I don't know when I realized it, but I always knew. I was different from the rest. I saw things in a different way, I spoke in a different way, I felt things in a different way, and I've always done things in a different way. However, my being different came with the un-announced fact that I never felt like "me". I always felt like I was supposed be somebody else. Hell, for the longest time I tried to get my mom to legally change my name.
My world basically fell apart around me since the day I was brought into this hell hole. The stars were not aligned for me to succeed and there was no silver spoon waiting to be picked up. I was born to be a fighter and a survivor. But at what cost and to who?
I don't remember my father, my parents divorced when I was 2 years old. My mother and her boyfriend moved me from Detroit, Michigan to Memphis, Tennessee. Jay, that was her boyfriend's name. He was daddy. Even my father approved of him to be daddy. He was in the Army and I remember plenty of times we traveled to Fort Campbell to welcome him back home. And the whole celebration would end with us back home in Memphis at my Mema's apartment celebrating his return home safely once again. We were family; laughing, fighting, talking, and loving. But, not for long.
I don't exactly remember the day I realized that Jay left and wasn't coming back. But, I do remember the sound of my heart breaking and my mother's cries that she thought I couldn't hear. At 7 years old, my family fell apart once again. All I could do was stare at the apartment door wishing he would walk back through it. (Sorry, had a slight nervous breakdown) But, that door stayed shut. For a couple of years anyways.
Men came and went, all of which tried to buy me to keep my mom. They knew I was going to be trouble the first time they laid eyes on me. "My daddy is coming back for me and my mommy. So don't get used to it." "Oh really.", they would say. Yeah, I was a you're-dating-a-mom-with-a-brat orginial terror. I never liked them, I only liked what they brought me. I even had a bright idea that if I started destroying the things they bought me that maybe they would think that I could destroy them. But, I guess I wasn't very convincing...to some at least.
Maybe that's when I realized that I wasn't who I was supposed to be. That there were two sides of me. And no matter who I pretended to be that day, I was gonna get my way. I was a mommy's girl that was already turned away at the day of conception and in knowing that, I knew it was always going to be just the two of us. And I was determined to keep it that way. So, whenever they got too close...I showed my fangs.
Oh yes...I remember now. At the ripe young age of 7, I discovered that I could be someone else and I was. I just didn't know her name yet.
Brandy★aka★ Evie
