What I've Learned in Therapy

In books there's always a beginning, a middle, and an end. That's how I perceive life to be; with the exception that the middle never seems to stop and you never really see the end.

The beginning of my book has turned out shitty with a few good chapters and the middle; well it just seems to never stop with one disaster or failure after another. But, my in-between seems to be a story that only I can tell to certain people. But, not today. I've decided to share with all of you.

What's your fondest memories of your child hood? Think about the best thing that ever happened to you or how you felt with your favorite toy. Now, imagine all of that being torn apart by your worst nightmare.

My mother tried her best, she really did, but she should've seen the warning signs instead of sweeping everything underneath the rug. I think the thing that haunts me the worst is what my mother 'didn't' do. She didn't protect when I was raped at 5 years old from my babysitter's son, she didn't listen when I protested all of the guys running in and out of our lives, she called me stupid when she found out I was cutting myself, she didn't stand by me when I gave up my daughter.

My middle chapter seems to just scream, "Help Me!". But, nobody will or can. What am I doing so wrong that these things keep happening to me? Why can't I ever seem to be happy? I truly think that life is what we make it, but what if you can never seem to get your head above water? Are you really to blame if you stay depressed? My thoughts are never ending and keep side swiping me like a mack truck that just jack knifed. I think that I finally make sense now of my world and finally move on. I've had to learn that you can't open one door without closing the other. You have to see past the bad to realize that for every bad occurrence, something good happens. You may not notice it at that second or even a year down the road;but eventually when you can smile again; you will know. I've learned a lot in therapy this past year. I've also learned a lot from just growing up. Eventually, I know that I will be able to write a chapter where there's nothing but good things will happen. And to be honest: I can't wait.

Before I end this, I would like to review a few things I've learned:

• Don't be scared to open the door to your past. It holds the answers to your future.
• Learn to forgive, even if you can't forget.
• Step up to responsibility, even if somebody has made you feel a certain way. You've allowed them to break you down and only you can bring yourself back up.
• There's always room for editing. You may not be able to rewrite your past, but you can always write a bright future.
• Always be honest, lying never solves anything.
• And last but not least; You're not crazy. Everybody goes through a hard time. But, it's the ones that change that succeed.

And that my friends, is what I've learned in therapy so far. It's great advice and we don't usually realize how the simple things make sense. But, just remember: EVERYTHING happens for a reason. We may not know that reason or ever will, but just keep on trucking.